Many families in America grew up watching a grandfather do tarpanam at the river or on the terrace, and never learned the steps themselves. This guide keeps it simple and practical. Your family's own custom always comes first.
What you will need
- Black sesame (til) — from any Indian grocery store
- A vessel of clean water and a plate or bowl to receive it
- Darbha (kusha) grass if you can find it — some temples and online puja stores have it; many families manage without
- The names of the ancestors you are remembering — traditionally three generations, on the father's and mother's side as your family practises
- A lamp, and a photograph of your loved one if you wish
A simple tarpanam at home
- Bathe and sit quietly, traditionally facing south, the direction associated with the ancestors.
- Light a lamp. Take a moment to think of the person you are remembering.
- Offer water with sesame — a little sesame in the water, poured slowly from the right hand (or a small vessel) onto the plate, while saying each name.
- Offer a few times for each person, as your family practises.
- Afterwards, pour the water at the base of a plant or tree rather than down the drain.
The meal, and the portions for others
Cook a simple satvik meal — many families avoid onion and garlic on the day — and set aside a portion before eating. The traditional portions for the cow and the crow are hard to give in most American neighbourhoods; many families put food out for birds instead, and have Gau Seva and Kaka Bali offered in India in their ancestors' names.
Giving food to people
Annadanam — the gift of food — is one of the most meaningful acts during Pitru Paksha. In the US, a donation to a local food bank, a meal for someone in need, or supporting a temple kitchen all carry the same spirit. Read more: Annadanam, Matsya Daan and Bhuta Yajna.
When to do it
On your ancestor's tithi during Pitru Paksha, or on Mahalaya Amavasya for all ancestors. For how Indian dates line up with US time zones, see Pitru Paksha 2026 in the USA.
The full rites, in India, in their name
Tarpanam, pinda daan, Gau Seva and Kaka Bali by a priest in India — $79. Join live in the evening, US time.
Pitru Paksha ShradhFrequently asked questions
Can I do tarpanam at home without a priest?
Many families do a simple tarpanam at home, offering water with black sesame while saying the ancestors' names. For the full rite with pinda daan, families usually rely on a priest, locally or in India.
Where can I buy black sesame and darbha in the US?
Black sesame (til) is sold at most Indian grocery stores. Darbha (kusha) grass is harder to find; some temples and online puja stores carry it, and many families do without it when it isn't available.
